Do I Really Want This?
Do I really even want to wake up?
If honestly investigate,
I don’t actually want to wake up.
Let me say that again:
I don’t want to awaken.
I want to stay asleep.
I am terrified of awakening,
because there is a sense
that it would be my annihilation.
And yet, there is an awareness of a wanting to wake up.
So where the hell is that coming from?
It’s as if something else wants me to wake up.
And whoever that is
with my life
until I do.
And so, yes,
I am seeking a way out of this mess,
but in a way that sometimes seems more like,
um, I don’t know,
seeking a way to set myself on fire.
To my “self”,
it is pure craziness
to be involved in this at all.
Now where the fuck are those matches?