Do I Really Want This?

by sleepwalkwaking

Do I really even want to wake up?

If honestly investigate,
I don’t actually want to wake up.

Let me say that again:
I don’t want to awaken.

I want to stay asleep.

I am terrified of awakening,
because there is a sense
that it would be my annihilation.

And yet, there is an awareness of a wanting to wake up.
So where the hell is that coming from?

It’s as if something else wants me to wake up.

And whoever that is
is completely
with my life
until I do.

And so, yes,
I am seeking a way out of this mess,
but in a way that sometimes seems more like,
um, I don’t know,
seeking a way to set myself on fire.

To my “self”,
it is pure craziness
to be involved in this at all.

Now where the fuck are those matches?