On a walk today, a new level of honesty and acceptance came.
There arose a recognition
of the experience of being not-enlightened,
and so what? Why not just accept that?
Then other truths connected to this life:
regrets over past choices,
negative feelings about
this imperfect body,
In the past, even if these things were seen,
they were not really accepted,
they were reasoned away.
For instance, a past train of thought has often been:
“Regret? What regret? There are no regrets!
Everything is perfect just as it is.
All past choices have led me to where I am now,
all past mistakes were just learning experiences
and I would not change any of it
for to do so would be to discard the wisdom
that each experience has brought.”
And it wasn’t just wishful thinking or fantasy, either;
I truly knew the truth of those words, and embraced it.
But there was also something else going on,
there was a dismissal of the experience of regret,
the experience which is itself at the very root
of all the subsequent reasoning, however true.
Another example, the perception of flaws in the body:
“Flaws? What flaws? There are no flaws.
Everything is imperfect,
and perfect in its imperfection.
My imperfect body is just as it should be,
and worthy of love just as it is.”
…all true, and yet also an elaborate way
to dismiss the underlying root experience
of negative feelings and emotions
associated with the perception of flaws.
But today, something different was going on.
Those root experiences were being recognized,
honored somehow, openly admitted.
All leading to a declarative “So what?“
This is just the experience that is happening.
What is the use of denying any of it?
And denial also happens,
attempts to suppress
All that is just what is happening, too.